Characters

Barry

After being dumped by his wife Nancy, Barry’s back to living like a slutty high school man: flirtin’, datin’, and fingerin’ all the girls in class. Some fellas might go so far as to say he’s a statutory rapist, but a minor felony won’t hold him back from being the huge, fun-loving cock that he is, even if misery and death seem to follow him wherever he goes!

Linda

A real guns and ammo nut, Linda earns her money teaching, both as a driving instructor at Teen Wheels and as Head Pumpeteer at the Children's Jail. She may be tiny, but she makes up for her lack of height with a big, horrible attitude. Seriously, she’s a total bitch who’s not afraid to hit you with an insult or shoot you through your head with a bullet.

Fran

Fran has brown hair, doesn't wear clean clothes, and is what you might call a "pack-rat with serious problems." Fran might have a really sad and lonely home-life, but never fear, because at Teen Wheels, she's the boss (at least when Mr. Peen isn't around) and she's always got a plan. It’s hard not to laugh at Fran because she’s stupid and crazy.

Actors

Jeanie Perch

Jeanie mastered the art of improvisational comedy at the the Dunkie Theater in Louisville, and that was without being placed in the repertory or ever even gracing the stage. He just went there a few times and mastered it because improv is easy (you just make things up). Teen Wheels marks Jeanie’s first lead role in a television show after making a career of sneaking onto film shoots and stealing lines from actual actors.

In 2009, Jeanie received a Barney Award for “Hairiest Actor” for his role as Barry. In the same year, Perch taught a workshop at Corn University entitled, “Turtlenecks in Comedy,” after which he got his ass kicked in the parking lot by a group of local 12-year-olds.

In his spare time, Perch manages a company that captures wild animals and sells their hides to local museums. Currently, Perch is staying with his first ex-wife in San Diego with whom he has a daughter, though neither know where she’s been for the past five months.

Donna Feather-Dope

Born and raised in Grease, Florida, Donna Feather never so much as daydreamed of acting. Content with being a simple mother of 11 husky boys, she worked as a hairstylist until 1992 when Cuban warlords shot up The Annual Feather Family Reunion, brutally murdering all two hundred of her family members. Donna sustained six gunshot wounds to her brain's lower cundis but survived thanks to the banana clip she was wearing.

In the years following, Donna whored herself out, and one fateful night while disposing her underwear near a 77 Station, she was spotted by big San Diego producer Donald Dope. They were married two hours later, and the rest is history!

Currently, Donna co-stars in the latest Dope Production, Teen Wheels, and doesn't really like it. She thinks it's stupid and would rather be out looking for the men who killed her family or whoring. The majority of the cast and crew of Teen Wheels are very scared of Donna, but whatever, who cares about them?

When her contract ends, Donna hopes to "maybe open a TCBY near the airport."

The Grode Girls

Starring in several South Korean commercials and films including "A Talkative Parrot" (1978) and "You're An Idiot" (1977), Larri, Lady-Gary, and Backy Grode were big-time baby actors until they all turned two, and the big South Korea Triplet Boom ended. The spotlight quickly drifted to other baby stars, such as The Stevens Two and The Potompkin Quintuplets.

Thirty years later, their career has roared back to life with Teen Wheels, and they haven’t looked back since. Whether Backy has a headache, Larri is mad, or Lady-Gary won’t stop crying, there’s always a triplet ready to spring into action and take on the role of "Fran" in America's #1 car-related T.V. show.

Off camera, the Grode Girls have just launched their new line of teen girl products, GrodeGirl©, which includes a line of concealed tampon pouches, hair climps for large girls, and tori-bonk-style cloidal spindles for formal wear. GrodeGirl© products are available at any Doosky™ and Prit Pen Marts™ in you area.

All of the triplets are allergic to scum.